he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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