she looked like the bat from fern gully.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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