the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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