If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm really busy with my period
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