She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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