Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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