Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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