I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That accounts for only three of the penises
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
