Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
