we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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