let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
