I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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