Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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