Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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