i wish semen tasted like chocolate
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
