You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
