the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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