So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
