on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize