the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
