I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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