i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
