Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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