Pappa wants mamma naked
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
