so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
