You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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