i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
