WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He passed out mid-signature
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize