I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
