i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
