am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
