So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
