my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
In America we eat man semen.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
