oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
