The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
