fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
