bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
