You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Everything about him screamed your future.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
