You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
