Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
