just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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