So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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