Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
