My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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