so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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