Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize