Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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