The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
