so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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