She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
