lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
