thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
