She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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