No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
