I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize