I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
