All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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