i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
