She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
