3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
