I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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