ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
