I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
