Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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