K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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