Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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