YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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