i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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