New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
