ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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