What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
false alarm, still single
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
