dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
