and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
