i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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