So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
