Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
