I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
