Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
