I CAN MOONWALK!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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