he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
